People can be so thoughtless.

'What makes you special?'

               'So you must have had a small stroke then.'

                                                 'You don’t know how lucky you are.'

These are some of the statements that have come from people’s mouths; “Wow!” people are so thoughtless in regards to how these simple sentences can be taken in a different way than how they’re meant.

I don’t know if I’m necessarily special, the strokes I had caused me to arrest,  paralysed my right side, left me unable to walk, write, eat or drink as well as an inability to talk correctly. So I don’t actually consider that as minor. Lucky! Probably not, but does anyone really appreciate what they have. I believe that I have a better idea than most as life as I did know what it was like to have these things taken away from me.

I don't intentionally try to be alone............

Jac has headed off to the United States on a business trip and I am pretty certain that I'll have a minimal amount of conversations outside of work for the next week.

I wonder how many conversations I'll have outside of work and not with a shop person, during the next week? I'm going to keep a track of this as I don't believe I have any regular close friends.

I've just returned from the airport and whilst parking the car realised that I was going to be pretty lonely this week, I walked in the house and found myself starting to feel a bit sad with the thought that life was going to be lonely. I don't really understand why but it has been like this since I can remember, School, Army and life in genera, apart from with family. This may have something to do with moving around so much but I believe there could be something more.

I thought that I was a nice guy, not angry or bitter but I just don't have the same connections with others, I've wondered if I was just different. Any friendships that appear to be being close happen to go distant, is this because I've pushed them away, is it because I come across too needy or controlling; I don't think it is, but I know that I'm not funny, I can come out with a witty remark and can be humorous, but I'm not really funny, I don't follow international affairs closely, but nor do others, I'm not lost when there's a conversation going on and do add to it in an appropriate place. Really, I maybe wrong but it could be plain and simple, I could be just plain old boring.

I don't have a great love of motorsports, I don't know loads about motor bikes and I don't seem to have a lot in common with people of my age. I had kids when I was in my early 20's, which is really different to most. Now that I'm in my 40"s, I have a grown up family whilst most others have kids at home to consider. I've gone through my adult life being in a minority group. I don't really enjoy spending so much time alone but its pretty apparent that this is to be.

I guess that this is life, especially since I had my stroke. Either people don't want to know me because they think I'm damaged goods and people don't want to take the risk or I don't have a lot going in my personality. I'll see what the future holds but I won't be desperate in trying to make friends. Friendship, I believe is good fun and is give and take. I'm just not gonna keep giving without receiving,

I believe that it wasn't too much to ask that my friends show themselves in my time of need, sadly these were few and now I've got to come to terms with that. It's pretty hard to accept but I know that I don't need others to enjoy my life.

Friends

True friends stab you in the front.

Oscar Wilde

I've recently wondered about friendships and have come to the conclusion that it's pretty simple, just made complex because I just didn't understand it. Now that's changed and I can't believe that I didn't see it sooner.

Friendships form an important part of our life, but as life's a journey then why did I get upset when some friendships weren't consistent along the path I'd chosen.

There are plenty of different types of friends and not all of them are for the duration of one's journey.

There are many forms of friendships, Short term, long term, social, a period in time, relative, colleague

Just because you don't have a friendship at this precise moment in time, you have to understand that this doesn't represent what you may of had in your past. Don't be upset when you try a revisit old friendships and it isn't the same. You've both moved on from that point in time, had different experiences and also may have different perceptions of life. It doesn't hurt to catch up but don't go looking for friendships that were literally a point in time.

Work colleagues, team members, etc... are exactly that, they don't move on when you do. There are friendships that can fall into more than one category, which may mean that someone you meet as a work colleague can become a long term friend. There doesn't seem to be a set rule for this and we don't have badges to identify the type of friend one is, however everyone seems to know their place.

The ending of friendships doesn't always have to be caused from a disagreement, although that's a pretty sound way of closing the deal. Others relationships just extinguish if left alone.

Close friendships are few and far between, you can be long term friends that aren't close but you seem to only have a few really close friends. These are friends that you know you'd literally do anything for. To have friends like these is fantastic, you don't have to work at being friends with these people and know that you can pick up your friendship from where you left it.

I'm lucky enough to have a few people that I'd literally drop everything to be there for. I know they'll not have to ask but I know also that I will be there.

Friendship - I now get it