Sometimes it just needs to be about you

Sometimes your right to think about yourself, it doesn't have to be all or most of the time, just on occasion it's justified and right.

After surviving a stroke on 22nd August 2010 I can understand why one would ask the question, "Why me?"

If you don't have an answer with a very short time-frame, a few days, then you need to stop looking for an answer.

I'm recovering from being struck down with a chronic condition, I had a stroke on 22nd August 2010. Although I haven't made a complete recovery YET! I know that this will come. I strangely can be classed as having two ages, my birth date is 28th Jan 1966 but there are pieces of me that had there memory wiped and they can only go back to 22nd Aug 2010.

You wouldn't expect that after doing something extremely complex for a few months you'd be as good as someone would been doing the same thing for 40 years. Why then expect to undertake the same things at the same level. Don't be hard on yourself, it's easy to be critical of the things that you can no longer undertake, realise the many things that one can.

I know that there are activities & things I used to undertake, but I can't now. I started this journey in saying to myself that I'll recover everything, however I've undertaken so many things throughout my life, I don't think that I'd be able to undertake some of the things even if the stroke hadn't have occurred. But it did, like or not this has happened so I haven't a choice but deal with it.

By accepting the situation not trying to align blame, this has allowed me to be positive in my outcomes. I can see that it would be extremely easy to feel sorry for my situation, be angry and allowing myself to be depressed.

On coming home I immediately wanted to find a way forward, I felt lost and wanted to be led to a road, I was hoping that once finding the road to recovery then I'd follow signs. I was directed on an initial road, the assistance soon stopped and I was left on this road. Not sure whether it was the correct road it would have easy for me to stop and hope for a passer-by to help but instead I kept going, there were crossroads and instead of pondering, I chose a direction and kept going. Who knows if the other route woud have been easier, i don't really care, I've got this far and can either stop or keep going.

Ya know what, I'm going to keep going and I have a smile on my face.